And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
