He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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