can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
