I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
