It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
