Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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