Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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