It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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