end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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