I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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