WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
