On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.