I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.