I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
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This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
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You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer