they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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