If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
