kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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