She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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