ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize