new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
