So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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