Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
