I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
