barbara walters just said penis...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
