I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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