There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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