Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
