i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
