Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
