sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
