So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
