we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
