it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
