The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize