I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
