Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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