Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
