Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You need a sexual gate keeper
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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