He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
