i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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