i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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