He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize