Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
