I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
