OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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