JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
