I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
