if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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