I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
