His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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