I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
