Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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