how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
