And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
