Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
