apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
