That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
