it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
