Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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