my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
