I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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