U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize