there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
someone owes me an orgasm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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