You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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