I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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