you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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