I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
