Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
